Conflict is one of the most difficult relationship challenges to overcome, especially when the partners have been together for many years.
Disputes between you and your partner can feel like a daily struggle. The discord begins with a discussion, turns into a disagreement, and ends in an explosion.
Often, you argue back-and-forth, each of you hoping that the other will listen and understand your point of view. It seems so simple. Why can’t they just hear what you’re saying? But they can’t, so the feud ends by blaming your partner for the discord and then withdrawing from the argument without resolution.
Withdraw leads to quiet periods between arguments, where you keep your distance and often feel like you’re walking on eggshells. You avoid conversations, not wanting to risk igniting a new quarrel.
You worry that the discord is impacting your children. Even though you have a deep love for each other, it doesn’t seem to be enough to find a resolution.
When you accept the emotional and physical disconnection of conflict, it robs you and your partner of feeling the love that you have for each other.
But there is hope; there is a path towards a connected relationship where you’re able to reach towards each other to share, be heard, and understood.
Resolution begins by recognizing that neither of you is to blame for your discord. Conflict arises from being stuck in a pattern where you argue to have your voice heard and then end up withdrawing when you feel like you’re not being understood.
Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples (EFT) is an intervention that focuses on illuminating the patterns of conflict, uncovering unmet emotional needs, promoting acceptance, and finding new ways to interact.
Engaging in couples therapy takes commitment and hard work. EFT allows each partner put down their sword, cross the battle line, and feel the love of their partner.
If you’re interested in finding out how EFT can help you, contact me for a consultation. That phone call is your first step toward healing.